Could it be true that in an  recent television interview  Lindsay  actually blamed Brittney for her drug issues aka the unflattering relationship with the press and the judge?  Every therapist on the planet must be uttering these two words:  Projection and Denial.  Projection -Lindsay’s attempts to look and attribute Brittney’s issues with the press as the root cause for her own mishaps.  By the way, this can be a  great bait and switch technique used in sales but NOT drug issues.   Ms. Spears has gone through and probably still struggles with so many issues.  Does she really need this!  So, on behalf of the world, I apologize to Brittney for the idiotic comment from a spoiled brat that is over indulged and obviously delusional.  It is ridiculous and I can barely stomach writing about it and wasting fifteen minutes of my time on this planet to comment.   Next:  Denial-well, you can figure this out.  Miss Lohan still needs to be in therapy.  It seems she has not grown too much during her incarceration and rehab. It’s not her fault; it’s THOSE people who just don’t understand.  She sounds like a Borderline out of control chick.  Speaking of out of control chicks, how is Miss Hilton going to get out of the recent arrest for cocaine possession?  Oh, yes, it wasn’t her purse.  She has no idea who in the world would do something like that?  Projection, denial, and borderlines are rampant everywhere.  Stay tuned, I am sure there is more to come.

In the past few days I have met so many men and women that are really sad.  A man  in his late fifties hanging at the bar, a woman enraged over a break up with a lover, a young twenty two year old lost between youth and adulthood,  and a lady with a scarf hiding her thinning hair sitting in a doctor’s office diagnosed with M.S.   Each were all in their own way running scared from their present circumstances.   You know the kind of despair when you feel the sun will never shine again and all options have been taken away without your slightest consent.    Some blamed others, themselves, the world and even God.  They looked  for an explanation, some sense or justification for their present plight.  When none was found, they instinctively  tried to make the pain go away so they could once again  feel self-contained and comfortable. Most of us have grown up believing happiness was accomplished by gaining control, working hard, and acting properly.  When the story doesn’t end the way we want we go crazy and avoid feeling  the pain of our reality in any way possible.  As a matter of fact,  I think as humanity we are addicted to avoiding pain at all costs we just all go about in different ways (drugs, drinking, sex, work, shopping, etc.)  What we don’t realize that the true story of life is not just happily ever after but it is these very highs and lows that compose a life worth living.

I managed to look into each of  their eyes and visit their broken spirits with a stillness over my own issues and fears.  They were searching for someone to see them and share their anguish.  I left myself and stepped into their space and my heart wept for what they didn’t see.    There I found a bravery and peace never before experienced. I sat  with their embarrassment, disappointment, and shock with a new peace knowing that this is all just part of the journey for all of us.  The journey is everything; the laughs and tears, the triumphs and failures, the hellos and good-byes.  I looked into each of their eyes seeing myself and them knowing that life is about these very challenges and our attempts to flatten out these lows destroy our ability to be fully alive hanging out there naked exposed yet feeling more vibrant, engaged, and intoxicated risking it all to live.   To be fully awake and enjoy life is to ride it all out with a knowing that nothing is forever, except your soul’s experience of it.  It is up to you to love it, hate it, leave it, or embrace it.  Most of us are more terrified of living than of  sadness and death. I have grown to carry this peace with me most of the time and my wish is that you read this and find it as well.  Life is wonderfully sad and happy and I wouldn’t miss a second of it.

NOTE:  Trying to run away is never the way to be fully human and happy; instead embrace death and sadness. This is your life, know it is brief and it is full of experiences.  Cry loud, laugh loud, and dance when your favorite song comes on.

The ink is barely dry. The vows have long been broken.  Shattered hearts lay scattered everywhere. Elin and Tiger as a happy, American Success story lies on the floor with yesterday’s news. Yes, after nine brief months, the divorce is final.

I have received so many varied comments about this relatively common occurrence that I felt I needed to make a public comment. They range from “back to the game of golf” to “who cares, leave them alone.” But, whatever your point of view, I can say most of us have had some passing thoughts no matter how fleeting. Why is America so obsessed with the demise of this marriage and other notorious break-ups?

Here are a few of the possibilities:

Some love to see the rich fall from grace-perhaps there is a green-eyed monster in all of us. (jealously)

We ourselves have dark secrets and we feel vindicated when others do as well. It makes us feel less dirty. ( denial)

We are ignorant of our own shortcomings and feel superior by the flaws of others. (self righteous)

Some believe in true love and happily ever after and are broken hearted when a love story ends badly. (naive)

Like myself, I feel some solice knowing that these happen to a lot of us. (realistic)

Some wait to hear of a great comeback. (hopeful)

Divorce is a kind of death and makes us realize the impermanence of each of us. (healing)

But maybe there is perverbial silver lining around this dark cloud and we can each benefit from Elin and Tiger’s drama.  How did you react?  What does that really say about your values, your soul, and your evolution?  As Michael Jackson said in one of  his songs, “I’m looking at the man in the mirror.”  The universe sends messages many ways.  What does the divorce of Elin and Tiger Woods say about you?

NOTE:  Lessons in life are  painful for both the participant and the observers.  But,  isn’t that part of being a true American? I hope so. We are all in this together.  United we stand, divided we fall.

As a therapist, I am always looking at people from a clinical perspective.  This past week, Tiger Woods shot a 16 over par and came in second to last.  I wondered, is his life  unraveling- but that would be such an easy and logical explanation.  So, in a humorous moment, I as a women, wondered if  his poor performance on the  golf course might be due to the lack of sex he has long grown accustomed to.  After all,  we all know sex is a great way to relieve tension.  Perhaps, we owe  Tiger’s historic golf record to all of those women who gave their selfless assistance to be such  large stress reducers in the act.; many  acts to be exact.  They could just be the women behind his claim to fame. Maybe they are the ones that kept his balls flying in the right direction.    I am sure more of Tiger Woods  is yet to come! Stop! Four!  Perhaps, four is better than one and fourteen may be even better.   Hole in one, I think not!

NOTE:  A new career; how a woman can help your golf game.

Drama at your job?  Six Degrees of Separation Theory could help you keep your perspective.   I received so many requests to explain more about this theory that I thought I might just give it a shot.

Here it goes, this is a tough one!  Everyone, absolutely everyone is connected to you. It sucks if that’s true, doesn’t it?  Well, according to this theory it is true.  The people you meet are swimming in the same vibrational pond with you.  Your family is on the same lily pad in the pond, but that is a different conversation.  So, that means the boss who is mean and aloof, the young girl that serves you each morning at the coffee shop, and even the co-worker whose snide remarks make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck are along for the ride at your request.

This theory precludes that every relationship in some why has been set up before you were born with that person to assist you in your spiritual evolution.  In fact, the ones that irk and annoy you the most present the best opportunity for your progression of the character traits we most admire.  Since our planet gives so much emphasis on monetary income, the workplace has been placed as a key location for serious learning potential.  It is here we get sustenance and suffocation at the same time.  It is here we at times get promoted or fired for the effects of our behaviors and actions or lack thereof.  Sometimes it is ourselves, that is there to help another’s growth.  But deep down in the murky waters of the pond, you already knew that!  So, what do we do with these aggravating people?  We try hard as we can to change direction and swim downstream with the current.  We try hard to shift out perspective.  Maybe you feel like this about someone, “This guy (or girl) is a real jerk.  He is arrogant, haughty, and just bugs the shit out of me.  The mere mention of his name wants me to puke.”  Just ponder this possibility:  this guy decided to be in your life and act like this as a loving means to help you on this adventure in the pond.  There could be several reasons:  a karmic debt from a past life, a mirror to your own flaws that you have decided to work on in this incarnation, or an unhealed relationship swimming to the surface in this present life.  One thing I know for sure, it is a test.  Look at the following steps to better navigate down stream with these relationships:

1.  Look at the situation as an observer watching a movie.

2. Figure out what you are here in this moment to learn?

3. If you feel lost and can’t figure it out; that’s ok.  Remember the planet is one giant school.  This is a test.  You will have other tests if you fail, don’t be too hard on yourself.

4.  Accept responsibility for this situation.

5.  Walk away if necessary to avoid more negative behaviors. Let it go with love.  At some point on the shore, it will make sense.  I promise you that!

WARNING:  Because of the times we are living in, the energies are speeding up as well as the frequency of lessons and their level of difficulty.  AKA-we are evolving more quickly than most of our anchestors.

Note:  The world is round and it all comes back to you!

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to be cast in a local South Florida theater as one of the leads.  If you know anything about South Florida, you know that there are a ton of actors from New York here.  It is more like working with professionals than us ‘normal’ folks who want to give it a try on stage.  In addition, I have had little theater experience so I really didn’t know what to expect.   Call me a fool, but  with a bolt of enthusiasm I jumped in flying by the seat of my pants thinking I just might be able to do this thing called ‘acting.’ After all, It looked simple enough on the screen.  As a Mom, I remember pushing  my kids to perform and told them it was a ‘piece of cake.’ They would stare at me in disbelief and grumble under their voices as they proceeded to play practice .   Forgetting their comments, I proudly picked up my script with all of the experienced thesbians.  I studied and memorized my lines and jotted down the blocking like the ‘good’ student I always was.  What occurred next was short of a deep agonizing, limbotomy on my psyche.

The director said this part was meant for me.  Lavender, the main character, married a man twice her age after working in burlesque and became quite accustomed to spending her days away in a lavish manner.  She is quite a whirlwind, buzzing about, thinking out loud,  her stream of consciousness dialogue making any ‘normal‘ person dizzy in bewilderment.  Everyone else’s presence  is overshadowed by her preoccupation with herself,  her little dog,  and  any other spacey  thoughts that pass between those huge diamond earrings.  Um, did I mention I have a Teacup yorkie!

I was being asked to bring out the one percent of my actual personality in an exaggerated version in front of hundreds of onlookers for their viewing pleasure.  I asked my son if there were similarities between myself and this “Lavender” character.  He said, “Mom, that’s the part of you that you pretend to be to get the approval of others; but, it is the real you people, when given the chance, everyone  falls madly in love with.”  Grant continued as Dr. Freud, ” Take this negative aspect of yourself, channel her, bring her out to play, and then release her to the universe for someone else to use.  You don’t need her anymore.”

Wow!  I could have spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours for that  incredibly truthful insight. Psychotherapy at its best, right here on stage.  I will leave this small part of me with the role of Lavender.  Thank you Lavy for letting me see truth.  This play will bring me many memories but none more honest and psychological confrontational that my revealing conversation and assistance from my son!  I think it is time for a xanax.

Note:  Audition for a play!

To all of the actors who have made me laugh and cry!

I love movies and television.   For example, I watched Titanic a million times with my son.  I thought it would be a glamorous career to be  part of something so magnificent. The money, the clothes, the people who worship you; what a rush.  I also have to admit, that thought then their incomes were a bit unrealistic and inflated.  Until, now when I got the lead in a local play.  I could have  never imagined what an actor goes preparing for a role.   Performing is a mix of knowing the history of the character, the story line, the memorization of the lines, the director’s vision mixed with a group of numerous cast members that have their vision.  In addition, stage and camera requires playing to the audience in a way that must look real.  I am working on stage.  I had to learn to speak loudly in a whisper, talk to the person looking slightly out to the audience, and showing the many layers of the actor’s psychological make-up in a demure way.  To act means not acting but becoming that character on stage.   I was chatting away at midnight after one rehearsal like someone on speed.  I was so geared up.  It took me three hours to unwind.  Now during the day, I often mimic my lines in regular conversations.  My role isn’t even a period piece; but a role that I can relatively relate to.  I can only envision what I would be like in a dramatic role.  I would have to study every aspect of the role and become her for the entire film.  And after the film is over, you have to back and find the real you.  Now let’s face it, most of us spend most of our lives answering the question, “Who am I?”  We have a hard time just ‘being’ one person; let a lone several personalities throughout one life.  Is it any wonder, Keith Ledger, could have possibly got freaked out playing the joker in Batman!

NOTE: So the next time you get pissed off because a star is flying in their private jet with a crew of ten to be at their beckon call to a five star island resort  that they might purchase; maybe they really did earn it.

My Family!

I look back on the past twenty-six years of my life.  The marriage, the divorce, the affair, the moves across country, the careers, the adventures and the mishaps of it all  And there, every step of the way, were two beautiful little faces looking up at me believing my words and promises of protection. In their eyes, I was adored and worshiped. I was their mother, their father, their friend, their advisor.   They say that you pick your parents before your incarnation to accommodate the lessons you have chosen to learn this time around. I often wonder why they picked me.  I often flew by the seat of my pants in a whirlwind of love and passion and desire for truth and personal integrity at all costs. I now have plenty of spare time to look at them, our lives together, and myself in the harsh light of day.  Children are mirrors you know.  They expose every flaw of our character.  They arrive at adulthood and throw back  every gesture, posture, attitude, and belief system.  You know, the things we never say or admit to ourselves-white lies to hurry off the phone, trying to get something for nothing, greed over the cost of a gift for another.  The elephants in the living come stomping about at some point waiting to be kept quiet and fed with more repression or let loose in a healthy way.  It is at this point, that I had to have  honest conversations with myself, my judgments, and my ideals of what I think a successful life should look like. I had to; these two mirrors were standing before me.  I realized that perhaps they have come to this earth to teach me about love, forgiveness, and patience.  They chose me?  If that is so, thank you children.  I have learned more from both of you than any self help book, shrink, or pastor.  You taught me to be watchful of my words, my actions, and my thoughts.  I learned that giving was more important than getting.  I learned that friends come and go and your family walks you to your grave.  I learned the joy of a deep belly laugh and heartache of a good-bye no matter how short the separation.  I learned that distance can’t stop us.  I learned so much from both of you.  Thank for being the best mirror and teacher.  You were just what I needed on this spiritual journey, but you knew that, didn’t you?  Silly me. PS: Happy Birthday Baby Dana!

Note:  The next time your children do something that just floors you, look in the mirror.   The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

I was sitting in the lobby of a hotel this past week and had the opportunity to people watch.  Isn’t it just the greatest thing to do?  So, there I was alone with two women on the opposite sides of the room or should I say the opposite ends of the world?  I must admit I stared at each one looking at these two feminine sisters.

One was an exotic dancer or something even less desirable.  She was in her young twenties wearing a tiny cheap dress, stripper shoes with four inch heels and roots from a bad dye job of platinum blond.  She was warming up some fast food bag in the microwave for a gentleman.  She desperately needed for mustache waxed as well.

I then turned my attention to the woman sitting behind the desk, munching on a donut.  She was overweight with glasses, short hair, absorbed in something she was reading.   I perceived that she was actually younger than she appeared.  Perhaps it was the sports sweatshirt.  She glanced up and then immediately put her nose back in her book. Her expressionless look made me turn my head the other way.  Obviously, she was not interested in any possible interaction.

Three women in a room.  We were all so different but I wondered if our needs were the same.  Did they, like myself, long to be loved, accepted, and respected?  Were  they cast in the role they were playing by fate or by choice or lack thereof.  If they could change places with one another, would they ? Or would they stay safe with what they knew? What makes a woman end up working at a low paying job or stripping?  Did they settle? Were they pushed into a corner with little way out? For that matter, what makes any of us settle? I belonged to this group of “women” and saw aspects of myself in the mirror of life.

Days later, I remember these two women and wonder about them. Women with very different lives and yet perhaps, wanting more than they now had.  Silently living lives of quiet desperation. I got up this morning and thanked God for all that I had and decided to make the moments count.  I took time to smell the coffee grounds and feel the fur on my dog.  I was lucky!  I wanted to find those two women and scream, “follow your dreams, run for your life, it is yours.  Make it count.”  I wished they could hear those words now.  So for all of those out there that may be in the ’suck zone,’  I say, “stand up, make changes, this is no dress rehearsal and make each moment a fabulous one.”  I love you all. Have a wonderful weekend.

AprilofCourse

During the past six months I have received several wake up calls from the universe. I have literally been hit like a deer by headlights in the road of life. Shocked! In disbelief! Blown away! I guess it has happened before but I had hoped that by this age I had learned a thing or two about life and people’s behavior in particular. I feel like pretty woman when Richard Gere catches her in the bathroom flossing her teeth: He states, “People rarely surprise me. Julia Roberts replies, “They shock the hell out of me.” Today, I am Julia Roberts.
You see, I thought I had arrived to a new place of enlightenment: two masters, years of experience in the work place, grown children, etc. But recently, I have been jolted with the following electric shocks: a man I deeply respected in my profession threw me under the bus, a friend who I thought was gone came back, a man who I thought was cold and aloof showed much kindness, a group of spiritual people, who I respected and thought were family, showed a darkness that bewildered and disappointed me, and people from my youth embraced me and healed me on a truly deep level, two young hip women keep in contact and really do want to hang out with me, and two gentlemen, who have little to gain, have stepped up to to help make me dreams come true. The people listed above all acted out of character what I would have ever dreamed. I am still shaking my head but trying to become the ever ‘observer’ stepping back wondering what ever led me to have such poor judgments of character. What in the heck could I been thinking? Am I blind? Who can I trust? It isn’t a simple question is it? I could say follow your instincts but mine have been off. I could say listen to family and friends but they have different eyes and ears then you. I guess, you need to do something I NEVER do or did – slow down and watch and wait until you can calmly join mind and heart together and arrive at a decision. Do I trust this person, situation, advice? I am going to exhale the next time I enter a new situation. How about you?
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